Animal Accessories Have Replaced Fruit in My Shopping Cart

If you’re sick of fashion fruit, I have an idea.

Yes, it was the most prolific hero of last summer. Got a lemon? Print it on to your favorite tote. Need a pick-me-up? Here’s an acrylic watermelon. And don’t get me started on all the bananas! They gave me life. But now it seems so obvious, doesn’t it? Summer’s coming and everyone’s talking about twin cherries and sequined orange slices. I don’t blame them, but I do think we should turn our attention to a quieter symbol of summer. Like the animal kingdom! It’s not as literal (don’t leopards and zebras remind you of fall?), but it still works so well (Dolce & Gabbana recommends placing bottom feeders at the tips of our earlobes). You can wear them while you eat a lobster roll on your drive to Montauk. And speaking of Montauk, have you ever seen a toucan do the salsa?

Me neither. But I bet your ears could make it happen.

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Cult Gaia pig basket, Dolce & Gabbana lobster earrings, Eric Javits leopard visor

And what about a pig? Rendered entirely from straw? You could put fruit in it (the nourishing kind) and let two birds (see: the toucans) live on the outer edges of your stone.

I think I tried too hard to make that metaphor work, but I can’t delete it, it took too much out of me.

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Jonathan Adler zebra dish

Hey! I think I see a stampede of elephants. They must be running towards a pair of cat clogs. I don’t blame them, do you? I’d love to see more flamingos, maybe even giraffes in the wild. And where are all the fish? The fish!

Don’t mistake this for a proclamation that fruit is dead because the animals ate it. It’s still here — all over shoes and earrings and this one particular shirt. Charlotte Olympia even brought her watermelon basket back from the dead!

We’re just making room for new friends. So have at the eye feast above, take a deep breath and think it with me: Can I wear this Norma Kamali bathing suit or no?


Photos by Edith Young.

Leandra M. Cohen

Leandra M. Cohen is the founder of Man Repeller.

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