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I Finally Found the Perfect Pair of Black Pants

black work pants man repeller

Writer Anne Lamott famously wrote that “there really are places in the heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child.” I would argue, with only a slight degree of trepidatious hyperbole, that the same is true when you finally find a pair of perfect black pants.

I’ve been searching for the whole of my adult life for said pants, and although you could rightly point out that my adult life has been relatively short thus far, I can attest that it plods along at a practically glacial pace when the sum of its parts are dedicated to a quest for something that might not even exist. Perfect black pants? Psh. Life isn’t a fairytale. Adult life especially.

EXCEPT I FOUND THEM. I found the perfect pair of black pants, and realize I’ve probably reached the quota for number of times I’m allowed to say “perfect” in this story so here are some other adjectives I would use to describe AYR’s “Sizzle” trousers: sleek, comfortable, wrinkle-resistant, practical, and chic. If we’re going to throw even more cheerful descriptors at them, I would also say their split hem magically makes them look good with flats, boots, and heels alike, they feel like leggings while still looking professional, and they are wont to make an otherwise unremarkable human bottom resemble that of a statue sculpted by Michaelangelo.

I wore the pants to the office the day after I got them. I wore them to my fiancé’s work holiday party. I wore them to Thanksgiving dinner with my family. I wore them on a 3-hour plane ride. I wore them to the dentist. I wore them to a dingy bar on the Lower East Side. I wore them to a fancy restaurant. In other words, I wear them everywhere and all the time, and it’s starting to make me a little afraid. What if I spill bleach on them? What if I lose them? What if I tear them irreparably? What if all of these things happen concurrently and AYR coincidentally sells out of the pants in my size, or worse, stops producing them entirely? Paranoid, I know, but such is the power of perfect–sorry, impeccable–black pants. I would buy 10 backups right this second if it weren’t for their price; at $225, they aren’t cheap, but I can vouch for the worthwhileness of investing in at least one pair if it fits your budget given a) how often I wear them and b) how well they’ve held up throughout.

I’m not the only mortal around these parts who can attest to their mystical allure. Shortly after I started sporting them regularly to work, Amalie and Haley secured a pair for themselves:

“I’ve struggled to find a perfect black pant for a long time—it’s very much a needle-in-a-haystack situation,” Amalie told me. “When I saw these on you the rise, fit, and shape just felt like what I’d been looking for forever. I was correct.”

Haley recalled a similar story of love at first sight: “I asked where they were from because they looked like an updated/better version of this Lou&Grey style I loved forever but which was losing its shape. You said they were AYR and possibly the best black pants you’ve ever owned, and I was sold.”

I take no credit for this influence. I am merely a vessel. Perhaps you are, too. Have you discovered your own version of the perfect black pants? Do us all a favor and share in the comments.

Harling Ross

Harling is a writer and was most recently the Brand Director at Man Repeller.

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