Summer is objectively a great time to sit in a sunny spot and drink a frozen cocktail, for obvious reasons. It is also, in my humblest of opinions, a great time to dangle things off your earlobes, because there is no more festive mechanism for adding zest to your outfits, sweat-free. In the spirit of July, summer’s glorious zenith, I figured why not combine the best of both worlds!? Why not round up the best earrings available for purchase and pair them with corresponding summer cocktails to drink while wearing them! (Summer is also a great time to shrug your sun-tanned shoulders and say, “why not” with vigorous punctuation, apparently.)
Scroll down for the summeriest earring market report accompanied by expert tips for making their accompanying cockateels courtesy of The Standard’s head bartender, Simone Goldberg, and yes, I know a cockateel is a bird and not an alcoholic beverage but, like I’ve being saying: WHY NOT?
1. Cleopatra’s Bling Pegasus Flower Earrings, Paired With a Negroni
I enjoy these earrings because they prominently feature mythical creatures with flowers on top of their heads, which is just weird enough to be spectacular. The same thing could be said about a classic negroni, which combines gin, vermouth, and Campari and honestly tastes kind of bitter in a way I found to be off-putting the first time I tried one, but now I’m genuinely obsessed. I wish I was drinking one right now even though I’m at the office and still have two stories left to write before drinking a negroni would be advisable. Anyway! Simone recommends a 1:1:1 ratio of the three ingredients I just listed, with a fresh orange peel and a dash of orange bitters if you’re feeling wild. Her favorite vermouth is Dolin Rogue, so that’s my favorite vermouth now too.
2. Marni Mod Earrings, Paired With a Basic Booch
If I had to pick one pair of earrings that encapsulated who I want to be this summer, it’s this pair. I love that they look like perfectly spherical slices of jello. I love that they’re clip-on. I love that they would look perfect with a tweed jacket and track shorts. You know what would also look perfect with a tweed jacket and track shorts? This cucumber-swirled beverage (!), which Simone invented herself (!!). It’s called the Basic Booch and I had a sip of it while on set for this shoot and almost drank the whole thing because if one sip was that refreshing then imagine what 20 sips would be like? Are you imagining it??? Don’t answer that, you’re probably too relaxed, but if you want to join me in making it at home whilst entertaining some friends or just yourself, all you have to do is mix together kombucha, cucumber juice, and a spirit of your personal preference.
3. Repeller “Becoming” Series, Paired With a Tom Collins
Repeller’s Becoming Series, with its cocoon, caterpillar, and butterfly crew, is a celebration of transition . Every phase of life! A 3-in-1 special! I’m personally in the cocoon stage, I think, but I’m not stage-loyal when it comes to which of these I will most certainly be decorating my ears with (see: all of them). They’re paired with a Tom Collins because a Tom Collins is basically lemonade for grown-ups, and that felt like a good fit. All you need is gin, lemon juice, a little sugar, and some sparkling water, and ****DAD JOKE ALERT**** you’ll becoming back in no time.
4. Alterita Limonana Glass Hoops, Paired With a Bloody Mary
A good summer earring and a good Bloody Mary are only as good as their garnishes. These glass hoops from Alterita have that handled thanks to the citrus fruits that hang from them like a scene straight out of the Napa Valley. Ditto for the bloody and its bouquet of olives. Simone likes her Bloody Mary recipe heavy on Worcestershire, with a touch of Clamato for a nice, salty finish. She recommends blending your horseradish before mixing it in so you don’t feel like you’re eating your drink. You have your earring lemons for that!
5. Alighieri Baroque Pearl Earrings, Paired With a Mint Julep
I have a thing for jewelry that happens to be shaped like a human body part. Give me a silver elbow and I’ll give you a smile. Give me a golden hand and I’ll give you all my teeth. Just kidding, but I’m not kidding about my affection for these majestic beauties. As for the mint julep, all you *technically* need to make one is bourbon, mint, and some crushed ice, but Simone likes to add lime juice and simple syrup. “Like a mojito,” she said. “Like a snow cone!” I said.
6. Roxanne Assoulin Flower Power Studs, Paired with an Aperol Spritz
As fun as a dangler can be, I’m recently very into studs. I abandoned them for a while because they reminded me too much of my youth, but now that’s exactly what I want to be reminded of, you know? Plus, there are so many better ones available for purchase these days, like Roxanne Assoulin’s shoppable bouquet. They’re adorable enough to make me want to get multiple piercings all up and down my ear and walk around like a human greenhouse–or an orange segment floating on top of an Aperol spritz. For spritzes, Sophia reassured that you really don’t have to spend much to make it taste good. Cheap prosecco will definitely do the job–just combine that with equal parts soda and Aperol, and you’re good to greenhouse.
7. Brinker & Eliza Beacon Huggie Earrings, Paired with a Crème du Jour
No two seashells are exactly the same, which means no two of these earrings are exactly the same, and if that isn’t a metaphor for something I don’t know what is!! Not sure if the same mantra applies to a crème du jour, but let’s say it does for the sake of my journalistic narrative. I do, however, know that this is an extremely unique cocktail. It’s another Simone signature and made with Coco Lopez, a coconut cream you can find at most grocery stores for your DIY-ing pleasures (mix with rum and lime juice!). It adds a great coconut flavor to any cocktail according to Simone, and also according to me because I tried a sip and was nearly transported to an island in the process.
8. Maryam Nassir Zadeh Glass Ice Cube Earrings, Paired With Frosé
Earrings that resemble ice cubes are very fitting for a season in which that’s precisely what you’d like to stuff down your bra. I love that these from MNZ look like frozen cubes of rosé, which happens to be the star ingredient in the cocktail they’re paired with. I made a joke to Simone that frosé looks complicated but is actually probably really easy to make. (“Just blend rosé with ice in a blender, right? Hahaha.”) Wrong. Simone told me that making legitimately tasty, aesthetically pleasing frosé is actually kind of tricky. You can’t just pour rosé in a blender with ice and expect it to taste good, because it will turn out super-duper watery. You definitely have to mix some kind of hard liquor with it, and you have to finesse the ratios to make sure the beverage actually freezes properly. This is the one cocktail Simone recommends you order at a bar instead of trying to make at home, to which I say, why not!