How Fun: Almost All the Dresses I Want Are on Sale

Glory be to the breeze that flies under a mid-length dress. I don’t care what month it is: July, August, September, December; circulation swirling around the nether regions is never not a breath of fresh air. And the nice thing about the length of the mid-length dress is that it’s just short enough to catch wind, but long enough that there’s a 0.1 second delay in its billowing, which typically allows you enough time to throw your phone into oncoming traffic and save your crotch from saying hello to all of Seventh Avenue.

Glory also be to the sun upon my toes in late August and early September, when they’re at their peak of chipped polish and callused skin. I know that sounds kind of gross! But it also shows proof of a summer well-spent, or at the very least of a woman (me) who forgets that she can, in fact, bend at the bellybutton and reach those pigs should she ever locate the little bottle of Essie “Clambake” she bought two years ago on a real CVS whim. It’s nice to have reminders of these things, and even nicer to have sandals that showcase them.

Yet another glory — though not the last in my line of gratitude (have you been journaling, too?) — goes to the summer sales that aren’t yet sounding out to the world of their discounts by trumpet, but instead are quietly sunning themselves on various websites I tend to go snooping…

Which leads me to tell you that in my happy little cart, I have on hold the following:

An Anna Sui dress for $525, discounted from $750. I know it’s expensive! But I’m wondering if someone will time-share it with me.

And to go with, these strange shearling slides. $195.

I looove this navy J.Crew dress, full price for $138 (in theory, I could just wait).

I’d wear it with these black Ancient Greek sandals with daisies on them that I’ve been eyeing that, thanks to my patient ways, have gone down to $201.

Then we have a lemony number by one Rebecca Taylor — I really, really need this one for a wedding I’m about to invite myself to. (I could also easily wear this one into the fall with a cable knit sweater, just like I styled last year on Katie Sturino.)

And with that dress, maybe these Altuzarra on-sale ($238) sandals.

Come now! I’m not a total bank account masochist when it comes to bookmark window shopping. I also have this zebra print pinafore in my cart. Leandra turned me on to it. It’s $100 and it’s tugging at my heart.

The shoes…they’re an investment. From $925 to $555, these rainbow striped Valentino heels are making me wonder just how many quarters I could get for my two front teeth.

Topshop did me right again when they made this polka dot midi dress. It’s $95, which, given the sleeves, I can get behind.

I’m thinking I’d wear it with these lavender sandals on sale for $227.50. Problem is, there’s only a 39 and 40 left.

Well then we have this satin-y looking champagne colored dress that is just ideal for transitional weather — and I feel like I could wear it to a million different things. In this case, I’d wear it with a pair of brown leather slides.

This pair in particular costs $189 and there’s only a 6.5 left. That’s something from above telling me to go back to my own closet and look what’s inside.


What I definitely don’t have is anything like this tiered J.Crew dress (not on sale but yes, mid-length) for $180.

I’d wear it with these pink Balenciaga pillow slides on sale for $260, perfect for wiggling my little pigs around in, don’t you think?

You do? I do too! Now tell me what’s in your summer sale cart, even if you’re only online window shopping while sans-pants as a way to give glory to the aforementioned nether regions! If that’s not a party, then I don’t know what is.

Collages by Louisiana Mei Gelpi.

Amelia Diamond

Amelia Diamond

Amelia Diamond is a writer, creative consultant, and Man Repeller alumnus living in New York City.

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