To say I need a chill pill on the regular is as understated as a little black dress—I was diagnosed with anxiety and OCD at 8 years old and spend a lot of time navigating strange “rituals,” as we call them. As such, daily life can feel like a total mind-fuck, and at the end of an energy-draining day, I’d like to turn off the noise in my head.
CBD has been instrumental in quieting the “loop,” as my therapist calls it. I was introduced to it by a friend of a friend whose online store, Poplar, is a fount of vetted CBD products, and once my doctor gave me the go-ahead (I’m a mom who is still nursing), I never looked back.
It really helps squash that fiery pit-of-my-stomach feeling. I sleep better. When I’m awake, I think more clearly. So clearly, in fact, that I invite you to join me on this walk through a week in the life of someone on a chill pill.
Monday
My day starts with therapy—the cornerstone of an anxious person’s week. I’m running late but take a couple puffs of my Select CBD vape (in Focus) while I grab a burnt street coffee and banana—all part of a balanced pre-therapy breakfast! I love the refreshing peppermint oil in this vape pen, and you can’t beat the $45 price tag.
Had a total breakthrough with Giorgio, too! Not really, but I do make it through the session without crying and there’s something to be said for that.
I’m heading into work later than usual with a hard-out at 5:15pm, which means I pretty much need to hustle all day—leaving little time for anxiety or its kryptonite, CBD.
I’m spent by the time I get home and basically go to bed with my kid—but not before I take the tiniest toke (can I call it that?) of Beboe’s Calming Pen. It’s rose gold, which is very fancy and has, as such, become a sort of go-to for when I need a bit of ~luxury.~ I feel like the oil is superior to a lot of the pens out there—it gives me tranquil energy immediately and the feeling really lasts.
Tuesday
My teething toddler, who seems to be going through a sleep regression, wakes me up at 1, 3, and 5 am. After dragging myself to work, I take down a Venti Cold Brew from Starbucks (it’s my thing, I love it, let’s move on) and a full dropper of Lord Jones lemon-flavored tincture. Stevia makes the droppers sweet so they’re easier to swallow than some of the unflavored varieties that can taste like a glug of castor oil.
The sound of squirting it under my tongue in a near-silent office is not unlike the sound of a fart. Embarrassed? No. And soon the frosty crest of the CBD wave washes over me. I easily get into my creative zone, and don’t even notice that a few hours have passed (plus, I skip my afternoon coffee!).
At night, I read 20 pages of Sally Rooney’s Normal People followed by a deep, seven-second inhale of Select CBD’s Lavender Relax pen. I use it on nights I need to jump-start the snooze process. It makes me feel like I’m melting into the sheets.
Wednesday
After a morning workout, I rub this cooling healing stick on my legs to prevent soreness. It feels icy going on, and takes a little while to get to work, but I never do get sore, which is pretty great.
I’m feeling kind of jittery after lunch, so I bring out the big bodega guns—those 100mg frog-shaped gummies (most tinctures are a 10mg dose)—which immediately stave the storm of anxiety brewing in my stomach. I still have trouble focusing, but I definitely feel calmer.
A mid-afternoon puff of my Select Focus Pen doesn’t have much of an impact. Too much? Maybe, but I feel like too much CBD is like too much vitamin C, it’s not exactly bad, it just stops helping.
When I get home, I’m beat (are you sensing a theme here?). Two hours after catching up with my husband, bathing my baby and watching the finale of The Act (Y’ALL!), I’m tuckered out. A couple glasses of wine and a heaping plate of chilaquiles verdes later (file under self-care), I don’t need any CBD to sleep.
Thursday
Does anyone else feel instantly calmer on Thursday? More awake? More energized? For possibly no reason other than the realization that you’re on the better side of the Monday-Wednesday climb?
This, compounded by the fact that spring is springing has me feeling, dare I say, at ease, and therefore I feel no need to take any CBD all day. I find that on days when the the fun times are in sight (i.e. Thursday, which is my Friday) my anxiety sort of quiets itself.
Friday
Friday’s my favorite day—I spend it with my two-year-old. On today’s agenda: the park to befriend squirrels, the “titza” shop (they sell pizza, too), and a viewing party of Toy Story for two. Twice. As much as I love it, it’s also full-on with a little person full of big emotions.
I take a swaller of Plant People Drops with my routine Friday morning breakfast—scrambled eggs and hash browns—and then we’re out for the top-secret squirrel-finding mission. As far as tinctures go, I have trouble with the taste of this one but it works so well. An instant anxiety eradicator. These are full spectrum, versus broad spectrum, meaning the CBD has been extracted from the cannabis plant along with all the other compounds and cannabinoids (not just CBD).
After lunch, we’re pooped, so we nap together (total bliss). It’s smooth sailing until a crime-scene-level marinara spill on aisle five at the grocery store later that day.
Before bed, I slap on a Be Calm Patch to try it out. 5… 4… 3… 2… snooze town. I can’t tell if it’s working or if I’m just exhausted but I think I like my vape pen better—the instant effect really appeases my impatient New Yorker tendencies (something I’m working on with Giorgio). My son sleeps until 5:45 am, which is more relaxing and delightful than any CBD product—I am truly rested. HEAVEN.
Saturday
I decide to try a CBD-infused beverage instead of coffee this morning. Big mistake. Huge. It tastes like bitter herbs, vegetable oil and dirty foot water. Hard pass. No. I buy a coffee instead and added a dropper of Plant People to it.
Lovely day with the fam. We eat hard, play hard, nap hard.
When we wake up, I see how messy our house is and suddenly, anxiety’s intoxicating siren call comes for me. I feel exhausted at the mere thought of starting the clean-up process, which then makes me act petulantly towards my partner because everything feels so out of control (not my best look).
Those without anxiety are probably like “that seems unimportant,” but seemingly insignificant things have a way of getting under your skin when you have anxiety. Of course CBD doesn’t clean my house for me, but it makes me feel more at peace with not doing everything today. “Clean up a bit, or don’t,” it says. “There will be mess to clean up tomorrow, and relaxing with your family is more important than a tidy home.” Suffice it to say, I take a little more Plant People tincture.
Sunday
The Sunday Scaries are in full swing, but one of these lozenges after my coffee and ham-and-cheese croissant does the trick. Although I’m counting how many hours of the day I have left before I have to go to sleep and wake up on MONDAY, I’m pretty nonchalant about it. The lozenges release slowly, extending my anxiety relief.
Rain means a lot of indoor games and still trying to clean. Mid-afternoon I decide today is the day to make a whole chicken for the first time—courtesy of my favorite makeup-artist-slash-home-chef, @dickpageface. It ruled. So juicy. So much za’atar.
The latest episode of Barry, plus another seven-second puff of my Select Relax pen helps me reset for the week. I’m looking forward to adding some CBD to my skincare routine. This Emerald Glow Oil from Herbivore is supposed to be amazing, and it has the same calming effect on my transitional-season irritated skin as it does on my brain.
As I get ready for bed, I’m feeling relaxed and excited for the week ahead. Before CBD, my mind would be racing and I’d be worrying about juggling all the things on my plate, wondering if I would get enough sleep tonight to feel good tomorrow. But right now, I feel content.
Jesse Dickenson Breeden is a mama and writer living with her husband and son in Brooklyn, New York.
Feature collage by Emily Zirimis.
