Creatures of Comfort Is so Good Right Now That I’m Mad

I thought my closet and I had agreed during winter that what we had together was good — or good enough. We spent months in our equivalent of couples therapy, learning to understand one another better, to communicate more clearly, to rid ourselves of the things causing us daily drama. I thought we were happy with each other. At the very least, I thought we both agreed that the way to spice things up was not to introduce someone new to bedroom (or wardrobe, in this case).

But something happened to me the moment the warm weather kicked in: I turned into a wild beast, foaming at the mouth, craving new clothes like they were deli sandwiches and I hadn’t eaten in four hours.

It all started while I was doing market work for a story I was set to style. I went on to Creatures of Comfort’s website to see the new offerings. It had been a while! That’s when I was basically slapped in the face with this perfect nightgown dress, but I didn’t think much of it. This isn’t my typical personal aesthetic. I figured it was more of a styling inclination and that I was riding the influential fumes off of Haley’s story about wearing nighties as daywear.

Then I came across this 100% cotton backless balloon sleeve top. It is exactly the kind of thing I need after I’ve had “too much sun” but still want to look as summery as my summer compatriots.

Well then I found this french terry POLO SWEATSHIRT, and of course it comes in yellow and blue. How the hell should I know which color to choose. Don’t I need two?

It all started to go downhill from there. For sympathy’s sake, allow me to simply put forth my internal dialogue:

Creatures of Comfort Spring/Summer ’18

A baby blue ruffle tank?! How have I ever gotten dressed without this?

THE floral crinkle dress I never bought last year and regretted. It’s back!!!

But here’s a shorter version — is this my birthday dress??

It comes in black!

Are these the perfect summer jeans that I have been unknowingly waiting for since the last time I found my favorite jeans?

Hmm, a T-shirt that’s too nice to wear to the gym. That seems like something I, an almost 30-year-old, should own.

Do I need this Caron Callahan white canvas vest to wear as a top and feel like a new version of my best self?!

I definitely need a new swimsuit. Here’s the most beautiful Ward Whillas pink one I ever did see.

Creatures of Comfort Spring/Summer ’18

Here’s a green one, too. I probably also need that, just in case.

In all my life I never thought I’d find white summer trousers as good as these. They’re structured but still cool, tailored but still relaxed. Wow. A miracle.

Oh — different vibe, but I do also like these pinstripe ones.

And so on, and so forth.

Now, likely needless to say, my closet and I are in a fight. I’ve got a golden calf’s worth of clothes saved in my shopping cart — all of which I feel desperate to own — an almost-broken promise to my closet hovering in midair, and an on-the-brink-of-my-birthday “treat yourself” mentality that allows the purchase of one item, max.

What choice do I have, really, other than to pick one and buy my closet flowers as a peace offering? Wish me luck, and let me know which item you’d choose out of all this.

Photos by Creatures of Comfort.

Amelia Diamond

Amelia Diamond

Amelia Diamond is a writer, creative consultant, and Man Repeller alumnus living in New York City.

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