We should have known, when this episode kicked off with a meditation on whether it’s possible — or even desirable or good — to be a woman and a writer at the same time, that it would end like this. We should have seen it, hovering over there, in utero. But we didn’t, of course. Or at least, I didn’t.
And yet after last week’s brilliant standalone mini-movie, wrapped up in sex, consent and the stories we tell ourselves to make sense of both, is it really such a surprise that Hannah is now trapped in a narrative she can’t share, that she isn’t quite ready to shape?
This season has already seen Hannah experience more personal growth than in all previous seasons combined, such that I’m starting to wonder whether she’s really still in there, still trying to alienate everyone in her path. Because as she admonishes hot doc Patrick Wilson for his presumptions, as she gives Adam and Jessa permission to mine her memories for #content, as she lets Elijah use his pizza-grease hand to stroke her hair, as she keeps this colossal secret until she know what she wants to do with it, the evidence is mounting: She’s growing up. God, are we ready for that?
1. A center part isn’t for everyone, but I think it is for Hannah?
2. Oh, look! Hannah’s back. And is anyone surprised that she’s using this interview to talk about the future she imagines for herself?
3. “Is being a writer and being a woman at the same time — is it as hard as it seems?”
4. Would you ever let Adam Driver touch, let alone trim, your hair?
5. Is a half-ponytail the new man bun?
6. I can’t decide whether it’s Adam or the director who comes off worse here? And yes, it does matter because it makes me sad to see female directors look dumb on TV.
7. Since it seems likely that, given her relationship track record, Marnie has faked a good million orgasms at this point, don’t you think she should have perfected the art by now?
8. Has Ray always had such prominent collar bones? They’re really quite delicate!
9. Listen, it’s always a massive ask when Girls tries to make us relate to Marnie, but when she becomes (or maybe, reminds us that she always has been) that woman who meditates, but extends no mindfulness to the world around her, who works out to “get strong,” but never-oh-my-god-no not to stay skinny, who justifies who Uber rides while it dawns on her boyfriend that she’s cheating on him, are we really expected to show her any grace at all?
10. What would an episode of Law and Order: UTI even look like? Do I want to know?
11. Is Desi the only person on the planet who loves when things are Marnie?
12. In all seriousness, does Marnie suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder? I’m no fan of Desi, but this is ridiculous.
13. Is everyone in this show just in the process of writing term papers about themselves? Rhetorical question, I suppose. The answer is obviously yes.
14. But the thing is, how do you ever really know whether your priorities look koo-koo-bananas to someone else? Also, isn’t that a cold breakfast cereal?
15. Has anyone ever called you a “waste of potential”? At the time, were they right?
16. Aw, a little Tracy Anderson infomercial. Isn’t that nice?
17. What’s the most gruesome thing you’ve ever FaceTimed?
18. Are we all wearing hoops now?
19. Well, hello there! Pleasure to see this man, isn’t it?
21. How could a hug be the appropriate reaction in this circumstance? COULD A HUG BE THE APPROPRIATE REACTION IN THIS CIRCUMSTANCE?
22. No really, what?
25. Skipping over that Shosh-Ray interaction because who has the time, although keen bit of foreshadowing there, honestly, is there any twosome you’d want to see less after you’ve just been diagnosed with a raging UTI and found out you were pregnant than these clowns?
26. Has Hannah ever kept a secret for this many minutes?
27. Oh, Ray. Who else knew this would happen as soon as he turned that key in the door?
28. Okay, but all this aside: Has anyone else listened to “Desperado” like 500 times since last week?
Follow our Girls girl and author Mattie on Twitter @mattiekahn. Photo via HBO.