From Kermit to Moss, All I Want to Wear is Green

If the internet was my closet and I could wear anything right now, there are three looks I would put together and keep on rotation until the weather really got warm enough for me to wear nothing but my nipples and hoo-ha, which is another way to say vagina (for the uninitiated!). This is weird to me because I am usually a ball of ideas this time of year — willing to try anything (everything) that will stick. If I have to look ridiculous to reach the ultimate destination of wardrobe nirvana, I will. And yet, here I am, trying to find a rotating uniform that will pardon me from engaging in what has, for so long, defined me: the trial and error of discovering my style. It’s just, don’t you need to know who you are to unlock a uniform? I know nothing of the sort! But the first iteration of uniform includes a pair of sunglasses I actually already own (in a different colorway), a pair of pink, high-waist pants and a pistachio green top.

As you can see, there are also assloads of accessories (really just a pair of lace-up sandals and a clutch that will jiggle), but the real reason this particular outfit is important, outside of the fact that the blouse may as well be on the red carpet at the Cannes Film Festival right now (but which I have decided will instead be worn for like, a backyard BBQ), is because of a common color theme you will see sprinkled through each of these looks: greeeeeeeeeeen.

^^^ That’s outfit number two. There is another pair of dramatic sunglasses — which I also own, but in a different colorway — and a duffel bag that I am urging you to use as a handbag because you will need it to store comfortable shoes given the fact that I’m gonna make you wear dramatic satin boots with — here’s the commonality: another green garment of Topshop origin. I don’t know where exactly you’d wear this outfit, but I would probably wear it on a night that I feel like shit but want to defy the rules of looking how you feel.

And for my final trick! A fringe skirt to add to my roster of clothes-that-make-me-forget-I’m-sad (see: last summer’s raffia skirt), with a similarly colored long-sleeve polo, sequined socks (sequined socks!) and champagne yellow satin sandals. You can match your bag to your sandals — which I am all about — or not. That choice, I will let be yours.

What I’m wondering is when green became the new Fran Drescher pink, which used to be millennial pink, which was orange before it was black. More and more I have found myself attracted to various permutations of the color — be they Kermit or sea foam, moss or in theme with St. Patrick’s Day. Does that mean a new trend is coming? I hope so because…spoiler alert!…we have a product rolling out.

I’ve already said too much, though. Gtg. Bye!

Collages by Maria Jia Ling Pitt. 

Leandra M. Cohen

Leandra M. Cohen is the founder of Man Repeller.

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