After reminiscing about the way the Funky Gucci Five used to be (and by reminiscing, I really mean gossiping about who they’ve become in the time since — especially SvP, who won’t even pretend to recognize the name “Ethel”), the Cheeky Gucci Cinco was busy shooting updates for their comprehensive “What We’re Up To In 2016” holiday greetings.
People start working on those things months in advance, you know.
And while moms tend to keep the big reveal under wraps until the actual holidays (“Don’t ruin the surprise!”) a certain Cheeky Cinco is feeling just a little bit jealous of all the buzz surrounding a certain Funky Five. So…they’ve chosen to leak it:
Isn’t life funny? Erica, a former librarian who won the $50-and-under lotto (an achievement as crowning as Forbes’ 30 Under 30 considering its rarity but, as some might argue, a bit less financially promising), ended up spending her winnings too quickly. You may remember that the goal was to begin an exotic pottery startup where she’d spend her days selling crystal-covered plate skins on Etsy. Well, the $49.00 ticket earned her exactly one crystal — a crystal so rare she was able to trade it in for an entire wall of already-decorated dinnerware.
From there, she opened the first ever Single Wall of Plates Only Teeny Tiny Gallery. It features zero snacks (“It’s a feast for your eyes”) and has a mandatory dress code: great hats.
No one could have predicted that moving to the city of lights would revive Cindy’s former emo phase — but it did, and with such absolute dignity. Any suspicions you may have formerly held (thanks to the sad punk-rock-light days of your own AOL Instant Messaging youth) were washed away with a single, one-last-time-for-good-measure, stained-with-black-eyeliner tear. Ohio may be for lovers, but Paris is for romantics. Cindy’s New Look reveals as much.
Jealous of the life-altering change Sanpietra von Gufftenschaefen’s name update prompted, Ida, who is sick and tired of “Ida/I-the” jokes (“Ida Captain now,” for example), considered changing her name to Valentina. Upon learning that Valentina was the 31st most popular female baby name in Switzerland in 2014, she remembered that she’s just as unique. Ida also remembered that as a name, Ida rules. She revived her silk scarf brand by stamping “IDA” on absolutely everything, making her a hero among fellow Idas and the International Display of Affection committee. Important to note: she’s taking a hiatus from shoes to reconnect with her bare feet.
Perhaps you’ll recall that Abby the famous fortune teller got her start by reading horoscope maven Susan Miller. After the success of her Bleecker Street brick and mortar future prediction store took off faster than a shooting star, she began to worry that she was exchanging a personal life for her own fortune. But then she remembered that women can have it all, whatever “all” means, and now spends every Tuesday morning doing her own sort of leaning-in. She plays the checkered game of strategy against Washington Square Park’s chess fixtures. They’re the only people whose minds she can’t read.
Bartending always spoke to Grace, the rebellious patchwork heir, partially because she had an eye for thirsty customers but mostly because of her swift dexterity. Years spent winning tennis games on squash courts with field hockey sticks trained Grace for supreme martini-making. I mean hers will truly knock your socks off, then make you forget what socks are. Award-winning. In fact, she opened up her own martini bar. She serves other beverages, of course, and string beans to eat by hand, but to order off of this alternative menu, you must do the secret handshake: wear cat-eye sunglasses, stick out your tongue and shimmy on the counter like her favorite animal, the snake.
The Gucci Garden capsule collection is available for purchase through Gucci.com.
Follow our models on Instagram: Cleo Davis-Urman @misscleoviolet, Mari Giudicelli @marigiudicelli, Jennifer Mutasa @jmutasa and Kisha Bwenge @cocoa_quiche. Special thank you to Sant Ambroeus and Antique Garage for providing the background settings. Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis.