If the thought of winter makes you want to cry, allow me to stop your tears dead in their tracks. No, not with freezing temperatures (that would be super rude), but by way of the ridiculously cool and swaddle-y Fall Studio Collection H&M dropped on us last Friday. Who the hell could be sad about velvet pants? No one is the answer. But more on said pants in a moment, because first I need to introduce you to my six closest friends also known as my other personalities. They were born the moment I laid eyes on these clothes and I’m not even sure who I am anymore nor do I care. Fall has never looked so versatile.
Mission: Haunt the people who speak ill of me.
Mood: Light as freaking air. Like I don’t even need my hands because my face will say it all. Badass by way of hood layered under hat, which has the bonus of protecting my most precious resource: vengeful thoughts.
Motto: If you don’t have something nice to say, lock your doors.
Angelina Jolie’s Other Oscar Leg
Mission: Get my moment in the spotlight.
Mood: A little bit chilly, just how I prefer it. Powerful. Like I’m invincible to the snake that’s eating me.
Motto: Out and loud and proud.
Harriet The Spy, All Grown Up And Living In The Suburbs
Mission: Track down the thief who stole my neighbor’s garden gnome.
Mood: Thankful I can fit all three of my notebooks — one for inventions, one for suspicions, one for conspiracy theories — and my magnifying glass inside my massive camel coat. Like my python pants are too chic for this small town.
Motto: I’ll watch your back even if you don’t.
Mission: Tell my assistant she’s getting promoted.
Mood: Like my legs have never felt so free to move about the cabin. Like my power suit could moonlight as pajamas for under-desk naps on long days. Like all I’ve got are boss moves and good news.
Motto: As in charge as my pants are large.
Mission: Dole out carrots and wisdom to the wild rabbits that inexplicably flock to my yard.
Mood: Commanding yet charitable. Like I’m Khaleesi of the animals. No one wants to cross me because look at these thigh-highs and this top hat and this structured shearling coat.
Motto: Garden variety, redefined.
Mission: Crash a yacht party thrown by Leonardo DiCaprio.
Motto: Make waves, not war.
Photographs via H&M; collaged by Lily Ross.