Following your dreams and falling in love are great, but have you ever had a glass of water when you were insanely thirsty? Or rubbed your feet after wearing uncomfortable shoes? Or had an orgasm and scratched a mosquito bite at the same time? (My 2020 goal.) Few things in life give me the sensation of genuine ecstasy, so when I discover a new one I feel like a fucking genius. Like I’m powerful enough to stop time long enough to think everything’s going to be okay. For a minute at least.
That’s how I felt when I discovered the unmitigated pleasure of going to bed with a hot bag of flax seeds on my feet.
It started with a microwaveable heating pad my mom gave me years ago for aches and pains. (It’s always moms.) I’d carted it around for years before unearthing it four months ago and realizing it’s the best object I own. I initially pulled it out for a spasm in my back, and soon Avi and I started using it for everything from sore muscles to period cramps, unaware that we had yet to discover its divine purpose in life: to warm my ice cold bedtime feet. It happened by accident—a mere slipping of the pad from uterus to leg, and then to an errant foot, at which point I immediately knew.
How can I explain how good it is to get in bed with blood-less, shivering leg stumps and place them upon (or around, or under) a hot, squishy object? It’s perfect. It’s a cold soda and a warm car and a first kiss all rolled into one. It’s the feeling of seeing a white light and wanting to move toward it with radical acceptance (I imagine).
It’s the best part of my evening by far, no offense to my boyfriend and pet. And it’s so simple! It was there all along! Eventually I upgraded from my mom’s pad with a strap to what is essentially a happiness beanbag filled with flax seeds. I found it on Amazon and it sounds like a rainstick and smells like a spa. Every night I microwave it for two minutes while I’m brushing my teeth, place it under my comforter right where my feet go, then climb in and scream about the virtue of warmth like I’ve just discovered it. It’s that arresting. And it’s $30. So join me, cold-footed freaks. It will make your winter.