I have been on so many bad dates. One time this guy suggested we split a burrito (no), then ate my half when I wasn’t looking (no), then asked me to run an errand with him after the date (no), then (dad, don’t read this) when I lied at the end to be polite — “I had a nice time” — he whacked my butt (no) and said, “I know you did.” No. A date once showed up to the restaurant he chose completely blackout drunk (no) and a personal favorite: the guy who got mad at me because I didn’t want him to read my aura (this may be surprising to some, but no).
Yet I sat through them all.
There was a time where I took bad dates in stride. I wore them like Girl Scout Badges, as though making it through three miserable cocktails in a row to the droll sound of a very rude ego was like completing a School of Life course that could bump my GPA. I figured the terrible ones would thicken my skin in that celebrated New York City way and the bad ones would make me “ready for anything.” When I was dating a ton — back to back to back — I would return from boring dates and tell my friends I much preferred horrible ones because, “At least then I’d have a story.”
But that isn’t true. You don’t give up an evening of your busy life to potentially have it ruined, especially not when the alternatives include hanging out with people you actually like, making progress on a project or hanging out in glorious sweatpant’d solitude. Bad dates stretch onward because we let them, and we let them because the alternative feels rude. Or awkward. Or like failure. Well, great. End bad dates the moment they go from, “this feels…odd,” to, “I would literally rather be anywhere than sharing breathing room with you.” Let it be rude and awkward and be considered failure if a date is indeed preparation for some sort of reality. So how do you do it?
Always Carry Cash
Be ready to lay down a $20 for your drink and GTFO if need be. Definitely consider why you’re going on a date with someone who you feel wary about — so much so that you come armed to potentially leave. But this isn’t a post about what dates you should and should not accept, this is about how to end one.
Have a Getaway Plan
Are there a lot of cabs in this area? Are you by a subway? Are you in an area with on-demand car service apps that allow you to order a car with the click of a button? (Have your account set up before hand.) Are you driving yourself? (If so, monitor your alcohol intake.) Do not stay on a bad date for the sake of a ride home.
Have a Friend In Cahoots
It’s helpful to have a friend at the ready to save you. Come up with a code word, or code emoji, that you can text if you need to get out. Have a pre-set plan so that she knows whether it’s her job to call the bar, call the cops, crash the venue herself or call you with an “emergency.”
Make Up an Excuse
This is really where you “end the date.” A friend helps, but you don’t need one to make up an excuse. Extract yourself from the situation to think. (My choice location for this matter is a little place called the bathroom.) Call a car if you can, take a deep breath, then walk back to your date and say the following, “Thank you for the evening so far. __INSERT WHITE LIE HERE____. It doesn’t matter what your excuse is. You don’t feel well; you just got a text and your cat died; you got a work email; you realized you’re allergic to the dinner you just consumed. Use it, thank your date, pay for your drink or dinner and go. You never owe anyone any explanations for exiting a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.
You never owe anyone any explanations for exiting a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.
You never owe anyone any explanations for exiting a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.
You never owe anyone any explanations for exiting a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.
You never owe anyone any explanations for exiting a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.
You never owe anyone any explanations for exiting a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable.
I can’t repeat that enough.
Be Honest
If it’s fine and you don’t feel unsafe in any way, but do want to exit the date and are feeling exceptionally adult and brave, you could flag the waiter, then turn to your date and say (in as kind a manner as you can muster because all people have off-nights), “I’ve really enjoyed meeting you, but I don’t see this continuing beyond this evening.” Then you very promptly turn the conversation to the weather, and when the check comes, get out of there whether you got the story or not.
Collage by Maria Jia Ling Pitt; photo by GraphicaArtis via Getty Images.
