There was a curious influx of white tights on the fall 2017 ~runwayz.~
They were at Thom Browne, they have been at Off-White and Alessandra Rich and Gucci and Celine — it always come back to Celine. Recently, I saw Pandora Sykes wearing a lace pair from a bridal shop. She looked really cool, but almost immediately I thought: I can’t wear white tights.
I’ll tell you exactly why: Once, when I was in 7th grade, I volunteered myself for an elementary school production of what was like, a Jewish version of Bible House Rock. I would play the role of a sunflower, and needed, for whatever reason, to wear white tights. The only pair I had was actually pale pink and they had last been worn six years earlier when I still took ballet. They did not fit, but I wore them anyway. In the middle of my stunning performance — that is, while I was flailing my arms left, then right with a yellow styrofoam sunflower wrapped around my face, the green robe that I was wearing to depict a stem fell down and there I was: naked in a pair of undersize pink (white) tights.
But that was then, this is now! I’m glad I got that story out of the way because I feel strongly that these photos could not hold their salt without my having shared it. If you want to try white tights, may I recommend:
A. Pretending you’re a German fashion influencer
…By pairing them with sandals, a slip dress and a jacket that is actually a shower curtain with arm holes.
B. Wearing what you’d wear anyway, but concealing your ankles
Just roll your jeans up a little higher than you regularly would and when people ask why you’re looking so pale, point your middle finger at them.
C. Really losing your shit
The way to really lose your shit is essentially to blindfold yourself as you walk into your closet, pick some stuff out and then refuse to not wear the things you pick out.