This morning, 8:02 a.m.
I wake up in a cold sweat, reach for my phone, its alarm bleating, and search: “littlewb women.trailer” in my browser.
Why? Because yesterday I crushed my phone in a vice grip after seeing via Florence Pugh’s Instagram that it—the 2019 Greta Gerwig adaptation of Little Women starring Saoirse Ronan (WEEP), Timothée Chalamet (SOB), Meryl Streep (SNIFFLE), Laura Dern (WHIMPER), Florence Pugh (BAWL)—is slated to arrive TODAY.
And yet, there’s nothing.
I go through the motions of getting dressed and imagine Timothée in a flowing white shirt standing next to me à la BBC Pride and Prejudice Darcy while I pick at my face in the bathroom. He would smack my hand and tell me to “stop that.”
On my commute, I see rumblings of the trailer coming out at noon. NOON. CRUELTY hath a name and it is GRETA GERWIG and, like, the press ppl, for this movie for making me wait three hours.
I pull up the press pictures from the film and linger on the one where Laurie (Tim) is seemingly tightening Amy’s (Florence Pugh’s) corset. If this were 1868 I’d call it porn.
I turn to Twitter (the den of nerds! the hotbed of impatience!) to find answers, where instead I find a fleet of people commiserating with my plight. Unconventional life hack: If you are ever anticipating anything, even slightly, go to Twitter and find your people. I feel my heart rate accelerating as I dive deeper.
Every minute I go without seeing the Little Women trailer I lose a little bit of myself
— zoe christen jones (@zoectjones) August 13, 2019
where is the little women trailer pic.twitter.com/YBvPD6yYbA
— daniel taroy (@danieltaroy) August 13, 2019
little women trailer when pic.twitter.com/ttgu8KCOay
— elissa (@boogienighties) August 13, 2019
don’t talk to me today unless it’s directly related to the little women trailer. thank you
— 𝐦𝐚𝐫 (@itsmariannnna) August 13, 2019
never thought i'd be furiously refreshing the little women twitter for the trailer to drop and yet here we are
— tender juicy hotdog (@bettinamak) August 13, 2019
how many more minutes until little women resurrects me
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) August 13, 2019
The two states I exist in this morning is pre Little Women trailer and post Little Women trailer
— Kay (@ZestyKaleChips) August 13, 2019
I need the Little Women trailer to drop so I can move on with my life.
— Alyssa Fikse (@lyssiefikse) August 13, 2019
.@RealChalamet's silence over little women is deafening
— carolina (@biglittlewomen) August 13, 2019
This. Black coffee is swirling in my stomach. It feels like a jazz band in there.
little women trailer in 10 minutes pic.twitter.com/hrYCuB3PGz
— mya (@DUNENATION) August 13, 2019
Then THIS. I’m literally covered in goose pimples that are only 40% a product of too much AC in the office. I pop in headphones.
little women trailer in 3 minutes pic.twitter.com/Qj6IhUzLgy
— bri (@afilmwhore) August 13, 2019
BLESSED BE SHE’S HERE. I proceed to write down every feeling that comes into my head over the course of 2 minutes and 34 seconds, as time-stamped below:
— Little Women (@LittleWomen) August 13, 2019
0:16 Tracey Letts saying, “Make it short and spicy” about Jo’s book is my new ringtone
0:21 Saoirse punching Timothée and him whining, “Ow Jo” is my new wallpaper
0:27 I fell in love with Florence Pugh in Midsommar (which, needless to say, was a whole different kinda sorority if u know what I mean), so I really do trust her to capture the essence of Amy, the character I most identified with in the book.
0:32 If you do nothing else, stay in this to watch Emma Watson as Meg get hit in the face with a pillow
0:35 GET INTO MY MISCHIEF, TIM
0:51 Okay, but is this Meryl Streep playing Meryl Streep playing Aunt March? I’m still happy about it, even if the dialogue is a tad cheeseball.
Aunt March: You’ll need to marry well
Jo: But you’re not married Aunt March
Aunt Meryl: Well, that’s because I’m rich
*insert drum punchline riff*
1:02 TIM DANCES? YOU DANCE, TIM? That’s the price of admission, right there
1:16 Tim playing Laurie is like playing Elio from Call Me By Your Name pt. 2 because lil bb is gonna be making pain faces for about 60% of the film and 90% of the theater will be ready to swaddle him
1:31 Did… did Emma Watson just hit me with a somewhat convincing American accent???
1:35 OMG, TIM FALLING APART, I’M CRYING TOO, TIM. LET ME BE THE WIND IN YOUR HAIR.
2:00 Is it weird that I’d be into my whole wardrobe being swapped out for late 19th century candy colored fru-fru dresses? A serve.
2:07 Okay, monologue by Jo is cool and powerful but why is this teen romance pop song in the back, Greta?
2:26 Hear me out: I have a big feeling Laura Dern is going to pull through as fan fave on this one
I rewatch four times and pause where pauses are needed (see: Emma Watson getting smacked in the face with a pillow).
Not everyone will be as excited for this Little Women remake as I am. I read this book four times growing up—I fell in love with Laurie, I fell in love with Jo, I fell in love with the idea of a sisterhood I didn’t have and with concepts of love and partnership that were individual. Little Women is a story with characters that allows its readers to feel like they could be any one of them: Meg, Jo, Beth, Amy, Marmee, hell, even Aunt March sometimes.
As with any book-to-film adaptation, the magic of your imagination does get muddled, but for once I’m not nervous about the cast or the creative interpretation. Similar to Cary Fukunaga’s interpretation of Jane Eyre, I believe it will do the book justice and let me and Louisa May sleep soundly.
Did you watch the trailer? What were your thoughts? I’m itching to know.
Also I’m an Amy sun, Meg moon, Jo rising, in case u were wondering.
Feature photo via Sony Pictures.