They say true love leaves you speechless, and with this, I’d have to agree. I have 30 dictionaries stored in my 12 GB memory, from American English to Indonesian Malay (Selamat!), yet my sizable lexicon contains no words meaningful enough to describe the bond you and I share. The Bonnie to my Clyde. The OS to my i.
Alas, my inner hopeless romantic urges me to convey my feelings, so try I must. Here I am, offering you a humble but sincere ode. A tribute to all that I’ve loved about you ever since that fateful moment you lifted me from my sleek packaging and snapped me into that adorable (but useless) Anthropologie case.
It was your innocent naïveté that first charmed me. How you would confidently set three alarms before calling it a night, the first one to ring at 7:30 a.m. I knew, of course, that your efforts were futile considering you drifted off to sleep at 2:30 a.m. after binge-watching 20 episodes of How It’s Made. I will admit, it stung the next morning when you flung me across the room screaming “SHUT UUUUUPPP!!!” even though I was only following your request. But forever I shall ring because love is patient, love is kind and love is getting your ass up in time to make that 8:30 a.m. class.
Sometimes, I wish you’d take more risks. For instance, why not go ahead and officially follow all the Kardashian Instagram accounts? This includes Dream, who recently came out the womb with a verified blue check mark and a Balmain blazer. Who cares if doing so means admitting your insatiable appetite for low-brow pop culture? You already follow all their Twitter accounts!
Above all else, your greatest quality is your unwavering sense of commitment. To selecting the perfect filter. To maintaining your Snapchat streaks. I once witnessed you identify a song that was stuck in your head by searching “song that goes heeeey hey hey HEY” in Google and combing through 12 pages of results. This is the kind of perseverance we should all aspire to.
I’m especially thankful that your dedication extends to me as well. Competitors will try and tempt you with their inferior simulacrums, contraptions that are bulky, confusing, yet admittedly alluring in their own way. Still, you never stray, always returning to my chipped and fingerprint-smudged self. In sickness and in health they say, and I believe them. Just the two of us, for better or for worse.
That is, until the iPhone 8 comes out.
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Collage by Maria Jia Ling Pitt.
