I know I’m the girl who cried style icon (Tracy, Diane, SZA, Moonlin, Mary, Louise, Chessy), but to say I merely enjoy the aesthetic of Prince George of Cambridge (full name George Alexander Louis, son of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and grandson of the preeminent style icon Princess Diana of Wales), would simply be untrue. In fact, I’m drawn to it on a cellular level. When I see it I immediately doubt pants as a concept, and wonder why I’m a 28-year-old Bushwick rat-lover instead of 4-year-old British royalty.
As a generally cranky person and fan of democracy, I’m no royal family fanatic. For instance, I don’t understand if Louis is George’s last name or his third first name, nor do I understand even broadly what a Duke is. I think Meghan and Kate are cool, but I’d sooner be lured in by Fiona clickbait. Also, I had to tab over to Wikipedia four times just to write the above paragraph; I learned so much. What I do know though, and have always known, is what constitutes a great pair of shorts, and boy does Prince George know his way around some shorts.
Did I feel creepy writing that? Yes. Did I plan to spend several hours discussing my conspiracy theories as to why the toddler Prince is addicted to shorts (such as long pants constrict him artistically) only to find out the answer via Google in two seconds? Absolutely. “Etiquette expert and MailOnline columnist, William Hanson, claims that shorts on young boys are, in fact, a silent British class marker and trousers are deemed ‘suburban’, which no self-respecting royal would want to be regarded as,” reports important royal coverage publication Daily Mail.
I’m distraught the shorts are a signifier of elitism, as that runs quite contrary to my most popular theory, which is that they are a tiny act of resistance against the monarchy. That said, I’m cheered by the idea of very basic shorts depicting wealth instead of extravagant silk robes or something. It begs the question: Was the royal fam ironic before it was cool?
Only time will tell. As for now, here are the five things I would hope to communicate to the world if I dressed like Prince George, as I obviously would in my parallel smaller-bodied life:
“My neck is expensive.”
Prince George, a.k.a. PG, always wears a collared shirt buttoned all the way up, signaling his gullet is valuable and/or he’s taking styles cues from Brooklyn circa 2013 (which was his birth year if you’re in the mood for an existential crisis). He also always tucks his shirt in to close off neck access from the bottom, giving him an overall appearance of corporal security that I support and care to emulate.
“I enjoy upscale playgrounds.”
As mentioned, PG never dons pants, the garment most typically paired with everything else he wears: button-downs, sweaters, matching belts and loafers. Instead, he only wears mid-thigh length chinos, an unexpected move that makes him appear distinctly counterculture and playground-after-church chic, a look I hope to adopt come spring, but in a secular sense.
“The British flag is my aesthetic.”
PG wears red, blue and white almost exclusively. I believe that’s called a patriotic capsule wardrobe but don’t fact-check that. This means if you squint, his Google Image search results look like a Monet painting of the British flag, a subtle but arresting personal brand decision.
“I have weak ankles.”
So you love a crew sock that peeks out of your loafers? To that PG says: big deal. Why not up the ante with knee-highs a la Carrie Bradshaw, paired with brogues a la Spongebob Squarepants? PG pulls this daring move off seamlessly and often, hinting that he either appreciates a warm calf (but not a warm knee) or simply has sensitive, bird-like ankles, which is adorable.
“What is a week-‘end‘?”
Above all, PG’s casual but put-together style says, “But what is a week-‘end‘?” Which, as we all learned from the Dowager Countess Maggie Smith, is more so a smug declaration of one’s life of leisure than an actual question. And it’s true: I doubt he grumbles on Mondays and cheers on Fridays. No such cycle burdens a year-round shorts-wearer. He’s free to be grouchy at all times; it’s the ultimate power move.