Yesterday was not only Ben McKenzie’s birthday, but Apple’s unveiling of the very new and very intimidating sounding iPhone X. Now, I’m not one to be hyped into buying the newest new thing (I really excelled in D.A.R.E. class) so whenever a new iPhone drops, I very much like to be excluded from the narrative. Still, I am probably what you would call “Team Apple.” For example, I just wondered if putting “Team” in front of proper nouns is still “a thing,” while typing this on my MacBook Pro and glaring at a calendar reminder going off on my iPhone 6.
Curious to see what’s literally in store for me once I finally get fed up with my 6’s battery life (or lack thereof, amirite) and 7s have become extinct, I came up with the following eight questions, which I guess I should’ve asked Siri, if I were truly committed to this overall Apple theme:
1. Can I keep calling it iPhone “EX”?
Because I definitely thought it was The iPhone X — as in, you know, the letter X — all day long. I was later informed that it isn’t a letter at all. It’s the Roman numeral X and thus pronounced “the iPhone TEN” (tomayto, tomahto; Levi-OH-sah, Levi-oh-SAR), in honor of the 10th anniversary of the iPhone. Speaking of numbers…
2. Are we still getting an iPhone 9?
Along with the iPhone X, Apple unveiled the new iPhone 8 (pronounced “eight”) and a larger 8 Plus (“eight-pluhss”). This makes sense considering 8 comes after 7 in the counting world and now, in iPhone world. But is everything going to get awkward when we backtrack to the iPhone 9 in a year? Is there no iPhone 9?! Did 7 eat 9?! Sorry, my childhood favorite number was 9. But really: Should we mentally and emotionally prepare to replace our shattered iPhone Xs (the “Ten” is entirely glass, front and back) with a newer iPhone 9 and a subsequent iPhone 10 — one-zero, pronounced “EX” — down the line?!?!
3. Should I read into the $999 price tag for clues about the iPhone 9?
You know me; I love me a good conspiracy theory, and yes, an iPhone X with 64GB of storage will set you back $999. Why not go with Roman numeral M (1000), I wonder? Anyway, that amount gets bumped down to $49.91 per month on Apple’s upgrade program, but that’s still two back-to-back 9s. The iPhone 8 starts at $699 which is one upside down 9 and two back-to-back 9s for everyone keeping track with me.
4. Is there such a thing as too much screen?
I’m sincerely asking this as I stare at my screen and you stare into yours to read this because the iPhone X is ALL SCREEN, which I must say, is very aesthetically pleasing, as most Apple products are. Gone are the days of that pesky circular “Home” button at the bottom of the device along with a good chunk of that other non-screen area at the top where people’s voices are projected into your ear if you’re old school and still make phone calls. Henceforth, swiping rules all, along with your face, which begs the question…
5. Do I officially have permission to forget every password ever?
According to Apple, “Your face is now your password,” which is excellent news because I literally always have my face with me at all times. I’ve never once lost it or forgotten it at home. Not once. Our pal X is equipped with a super Xenon-y thing called Face ID that scans and remembers your face so you can use it to unlock your phone, authenticate things and pay for other things. WITH YOUR FACE.
6. Are all of my coworkers prepared for me to do this at least twice a week once Face ID becomes ubiquitous?
Apple reassures us, “Machine learning lets Face ID adapt to physical changes in your appearance over time,” which includes aging, wearing sunglasses, hats and makeup, but we all know we need to at least try to outsmart the computers on a biweekly basis.
7. On a scale of 1 to X (10), how creepy is controlling emojis with your own face?
For some reason, the iPhone X’s front-facing camera allows you to control emojis, called ‘animoji.‘ “The TrueDepth camera analyzes more than 50 different muscle movements to mirror your expressions in 12 Animoji,” Apple explains. The effect is reminiscent of Snapchat face filters, except smaller and creepier because your human neck isn’t visible and it looks like you’ve possessed a poor emoji. But, Apple points out that this feature allows you to “reveal your inner panda, pig, or robot.” Still unpacking that. Maybe just FaceTime me in the meantime if you really love my subtle head nods and jaw movements that much, IDK.
8. Oh, how excited are you about wireless charging, btw?!
Because while both 8 and X are capable of wireless charging, Apple’s super convenient AirPower mat, which allows you to charge your X and other Apple accessories at once, won’t be available until sometime in 2018 🙃. But someone somewhere once said “good things come to those who wait” and I literally just bought a new iPhone charger.
SURPRISE, I actually have NINE questions: What are your initial thoughts about the latest addition to the iPhone fam?