Thank you all so much for gathering today for this last minute press conference. I know everyone’s a bit concerned about a rumor that rolled off the fall/winter 2017 fashion month runway: square toes are back. And you want to know if it’s true. Well, yes. It is. If everyone wouldn’t mind taking their seats for a moment and raising their hands in an orderly fashion, I assure you we can clear all of this up post-haste. In fact, you’ll be thrilled with what you see.
You, sir, in the back. You look a bit sweaty and excited. Why don’t you kick us off.
IS IT TRUE THAT SQUARE-TOE SHOES ARE–
Confirmed. Square-toe shoes are back — or they will be at least — according to Louis Vuitton, Acne, Calvin Klein, J.W. Anderson, Gucci…the list goes on, but listen, sir: These are not the bad-tacky “going out shoes” that you once paired with a black, pinstripe button-down (which you may or may not have worn under a silky vest??) and a shower of Acqua di Gio. No. These are far more weird, far more funky, far more fashion.
Yes, you in the red hat?
ARE WE REALLY GOING TO LIKE THEM?
You came around to fur-lined loafers and kitten heels, didn’t you? You’re going to love them.
Okay, yes, in the marvelous street style snap-happy monster coat to my right?
SPEAKING OF KITTENS, WERE THERE ANY FLUFFY CUTE THINGS ON THE RUNWAY?
Ah, well, Dolce & Gabbana showed literal stuffed-animal slippers, actually, but we didn’t include them in this slideshow because…who’s going to wear them? Miu Miu had some wonderfully fluffy sandals and at Prada, curly haired Muk Luk-like boots. Dion Lee, Sonia Rykiel, Rochas and Coach did their share for the soft-foot cause as well.
In the hoop earrings on the left, yes?
WHAT WAS THE MOST UNWEARABLE BUT COOL?
Thom Browne’s ice-skate boots. I’m sure they’ll remove the blades for the sake of commercial sales, but man would the world be a better place if they kept them as-is.
MARIE ANTOINETTE’S GHOST, HERE. ANY SHOES MADE FOR ME?
Well, yes, actually. Why don’t you check out Rochas, Rosie Assoulin, Marni and Tory Burch. Baroque for the modern woman!
WHAT WAS ANOTHER BIG TREND?
I can hear you just fine, you know. No need to shout in all capital letters, but if that helps you format a post better, do what suits you. Anyway. Tall boots. Not equestrian ones like last winter, but extra tall, slouchy-on-the-ankle boots with a heel. They appeared often, but see especially the embroidered pair at Isabel Marant and the pair that says “For Walking” at Off-White.
WAS THERE A SPECIFIC COLOR HAPPENING?
Kindly continue to raise your hands — know you’re all excited, of course! But yes, red. Every single foot at Fendi was red. Tod’s had red. Valentino, Altuzarra. A lot of red boots and shoes. There were more, but I’m concerned about the Balenciaga super-fan jumping up and down in front of me. Yes?
WHAT HAPPENED AT BALENCIAGA? MY INTERNET STILL ISN’T WORKING AND I’M OUT OF DATA.
Monochromatic tights-over-pump boots in bright, opaque hues.
Um…you on the horse in the chaps with the lasso. What can I do for you?
ARE COWBOY BOOTS FINALLY COOL?
Confirmed. Calvin Klein showed them under track pants and thus, all was right with the world. They appeared in a few other iterations, too.
Ma’am, you with the Starbucks cup and 2000s getup. Sup?
I HEARD THERE WERE UGGS!
Ugg-iterations, yes. Alexander Wang is either laughing at or with you. Still unclear. We will probably all give in soon.
This is the last question everyone. To the magpie in the back, I think I know what you’re going to ask me but go ahead.
WAS THERE GLITTER?
Yes, a thousand times yes: There were gold heels at Mary Katrantzou, although the trend leaned heavy on silver sparkle. You’re not going to feel complete come winter without disco-ball shoes. Saint Laurent, Chanel, Isabel Marant and Molly Goddard all want you to shine. Isn’t that nice?
That’s all the time we have for now. Scroll through up top for the best of the best! Thanks for coming! See you next season!
Photos via Getty Images, IMaxTree and Vogue Runway.