Look, I’m no dating coach.
I spent the three years that my now-husband and I were broken up calling him on an unrelenting weekly basis to check whether his temperature on the thermometer of love-for-Leandra had changed in my favor. Through the course of the three years, it never ever changed UNTIL ONE DAY! when he saw me exiting his building on Mercer Street with an English man, who I was about to embark on a first date with.
I was wearing a shin-length skirt with a white button down blouse, which I had taken from my youngest brother’s closet, and a pair of devastatingly basic Chloé gladiator wedges, which I had not taken from my youngest brother’s closet even though I wish I had.
I went over to say hello because I am a gentlewoman and he reciprocated the pleasantry. Then he text messaged me to say that the encounter had “physically hurt,” to which I lent absolutely no credit to handsome English man who stood to my left during the encounter and surmised that CUHLEARLY, my outfit has incited his heart’s starting to sing an *NSYNC song that made him (guitar solo please:) want me back.
Now that I am married de facto, I don’t think it’s in your worst interest to take my dating advice. Especially, I might add when it is deeply imbued with the sartorial pursuits of a first date outfit. Because, think about it. When you’re about to enter a first date, you don’t really know who you’re meeting and he (or she!) doesn’t quite know you either. Without using your mouth, it seems like your prerogative should be to convey a point about who you are.
And how do you do that?
If you fancy yourself a man repeller, the first date seems like high time to experiment with two of the most boring silhouettes a woman can engage with: the button up shirt and the pencil skirt. Why? Because nothing says I am a ball of ecstasy (the non-narcotic kind!) like making said boring silhouettes look like Fun with a capital-F.
Because it’s 2014 and currently de rigeur, I’d also suggest a pair of mules, sparkle heel notwithstanding but again: think about upping the fun factor. Take a handbag (in case he sucks and you need somewhere to throw up) and a pair of reflective lensed sunglasses because even though it might be night, for the sake of thematic consistency (speaking without your mouth), in the event you do like him, you might want to put them on to demonstrate how bright his future is.
Worst comes to it, the date sucks but the way I see it, you still win. Hard. Why? Because your outfit ruleszzzzzzzzs.