There Are Zero Pairs of Pants in My Shopping Cart

Fun game: Pair a swimsuit with a long-sleeve top (modesty!), then go out in public and dare someone to call you out. Nine times out of 10 I’d bet that no one can tell the difference between pool panties and a pair of extremely short shorts. Say someone does realize what’s up. Unless you go somewhere with a strict dress code, “someone” can’t do anything about it. There are no pants police. At least not where we’re going.

And where we are going is to POOL PARTY TOWN, USA!!!!!

Here’s what I think we should wear:

1) A red OTS top that TRICKS YA! with a little rainbow shoulder sash, plus a pair of pink aquatic panties and red satin flats.

2) A cool blouse with long sleeves and rainbow zigzags to stay out of the sun, plus sandals you could wear on a rocky beach (or the sidewalk) and a pink one-piece to get sand on your buns.

3) A Hawaiian shirt because Tom Selleck never goes out of style, plus an embroidered blue swimsuit and fancy dad sandals so that you can put your feet up and stay awhile.

4) An on-sale Jacquemus top that does all the talking, plus a floral swimmer and red flippers so that you look editorial-ready but also beachy.

5) And finally, a striped linen top that you can really feel alive in, plus polka-dot bottoms and striped sandals to show that when it comes to going pants-less, you’re one step ahead and have already jumped in.

Collages by Maria Jia Ling Pitt. 

Amelia Diamond

Amelia Diamond

Amelia Diamond is a writer, creative consultant, and Man Repeller alumnus living in New York City.

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