Honk, or retweet, or co-sign if the beginning of a new season (and particularly of fall) makes you feel like…like…like…a human trash receptacle. Partially because you can’t stop eating bagels and have recently jumped back on the dairy bandwagon, but also because getting dressed feels really hard (sung to the tune of Vocal Fry).
What are you supposed to do when you’re sick of jeans but recognize that wide-leg trousers make you look shorter than you are when paired with flat shoes and long coats? You’re too cold for skirts or dresses and — you know what? I’m not going to continue on this tirade. Instead, I invite you to recall a warmer, better day. A day known as Instagram, where weather is a concept, not a reality, and the freestanding closet of multifarious fashion accounts divulge outfit upon outfit that flow like sand in a desert, bubbles in a Diet Coke can, blonde women at an exercise apparel shop.
So, let’s get dressed, ya?
Take: The funky monochrome!
Leave: The actual pink (if you want to), though bubblegum, bubblegum in a dish is kind of the only color on my radar right now.
Add your own: Footwear (color is at your discretion, even though I recommended two separate pairs of patent leather red shoes above).
I know, I know another nod to monochrome and there are a pair of jeans! How to escape, how to escape, how. to. escape?
Take: The robe! It is very important that all grown women maintain at least one robe.
Leave: The jeans
Addendum: Fine, don’t, they look great with slides and a thick belt, don’t they? Can you muster a couple of those on your own?
Add your own: Sunglasses! The unsung accessory of fall dressing.
Yes, these are a pair of shoes. No I am not insinuating that you go out in only shoes although if you want to do that, I will totally do it with you. But what I’m saying is that this color combination rules, so —
Take: The blue, the burgundy
Leave: The shoes
Add your own: Everything.
Look at that, look at that, the very same slides from Tuesday popping up again on Thursday. For my next trick, I recommend that you:
Take: The suit
Leave: Pandora’s head! It’s hers!
Add your own: graphic T-shirt — they are so coming back, by the way.
Leave: I don’t know, I guess her rings?
Add your own: Face.