Hellooooooo and happy almost February, friends and ferrets. I am personally alarmed that January is over based on the confirmed fact that though it is not the longest month of the year mathematically speaking, it is by far the longest emotionally. Here’s the chart to prove it:
I say all of this to comfort you if you, like me, are feeling somewhat disoriented as this wintry blip comes to a close. I can hardly remember what I ate this month, much less wrote or read, which is why I am particularly delighted to present you with Man Repeller’s top stories of January 2018. May you consume and enjoy them with the reflective goggles only a calendar’s changing of the guards can bestow.
The calendar may be a weird human construct, but the universe does want us to move forward: 2018 is the celestial equivalent of a movie makeover, jam-packed with retrogrades and blood moons.
I haven’t always dressed this way at the gym. I used to drink the textured compression Kool-Aid with vigor, but whenever I did, I felt constricted — physically, yes, but even more so mentally. I was conscious of my body in a way that became burdensome, as if the clothes were containing me instead of simply covering me.
I wasn’t even looking for changes in my skin when I noticed, a week in, that my skin was insanely soft. Like, literally baby soft.
Dressing “well” in the winter (if, you know, you don’t work from home in satin kitten heels or a silk towel and you’re the kind of person who commutes to work by foot or public transport) is impossible.
In the spirit of an increasingly popular makeup approach that’s less “full face” and more “a dab will do ya,” I asked a few MR team members to tell me the one thing they wear when they sport an otherwise bare face.
At first glance, “Slightly Smiling Face” (or “SSF” for short) appears to wear the quiet grin one might slap on while passing a coworker for the 30th time in one afternoon. But after you take your socks off and engage in an intimate staring contest with this emoji, you’ll observe that its eyes are barren, like two holes in a wedge of Swiss cheese.
[P]eople have been theorizing for years about why straight men don’t commit or pursue relationships as readily as women. One of my least favorite theories? “He’s just not that into you.” It’s a popular explanation, and it can work as an excuse for literally anything a guy does, from canceling a date to avoiding a text to breaking up with you.
Dressing — or doing anything — is so much easier when the choices are limited, the product is pared down and those items fall into systemic, useful categories. Can this principle be applied to a medicine cabinet?
I decided to lace up my snow boot straps of the mental variety and prove to myself (AND THE WORLD) that “practical” winter dressing can indeed go mittened hand in mittened hand with a sartorial point of view, whatever that point of view may be.
Perhaps the cure to my jeans confusion sits in a “back to basics” approach — one in which I make jeans the hero again, at least for a spell.
Feature image by Edith Young. Art direction by Emily Zirimis.