This New SATC Book Will Tell You What Kind of Miranda You Are

Chelsea Fairless and Lauren Garroni, the women behind beloved Instagram account @everyoutfitonsatc, are releasing a book next week, and it’s about the very thing that sets their Sex and the City commentary apart from other modern attempts to dissect the show: unabashed favoritism of Miranda Hobbes. We Should All Be Mirandas: Life Lessons from Sex and the City’s Most Underrated Character makes no secret of its preferential treatment. The fact that this book exists is a testament to how our collective relationship with Miranda, once perceived as the most controversial–dare I say unlikeable?–character, has evolved since the show’s original HBO heyday. Today she is heralded as a feminist hero, a would-be protagonist, an icon of bucket hats and pragmatism alike.

But even if we should all be Mirandas, that doesn’t mean we can’t identify with aspects of the other women on the show as well. Below, enjoy a sneak preview of a chapter from Fairless and Garroni’s forthcoming book–a guide to determining which version of Miranda + [insert other character here] best summarizes your personality.

Being a Miranda does not preclude you from relating to other characters on the show. We’ll be the first to admit that almost everyone has a little bit of Carrie in them. Many Mirandas are promiscuous like Samantha, while others are closet traditionalists like Charlotte. Some Mirandas even present as other characters, although this is often the result of internalized Mirandaphobia. Whatever the case, your rising sign is an integral part of who you are and how the world sees you. If you don’t already know what your ascendant sign is, we’ve included a handy flow chart for your convenience:

Sex and the city infographic

Miranda With a Carrie Rising

You may have your shit together, but you also have an oven filled with shoes. Mirandas with a Carrie rising are constantly at odds with themselves, attempting to reconcile the pragmatic and romantic sides of their brains. This personality type is cursed with knowing what the right choice is, but habitually making the wrong one anyway. They might pay off their student loans one month, but spend their entire savings on a vintage caftan the next. Carefully cultivating a “look” is both an act of control and a preferred form of cardio. They are creative people by nature and will often channel those impulses into side hustles, which can provide them with a bit of a cushion should their building go co-op.

Like all Mirandas, they are full of opinions, delivering sardonic quips on everything from politics to this year’s Met Gala theme. But while they are eager to assert themselves, they are also extremely sensitive, which puts them at an emotional disadvantage when criticism is leveled. Despite their precarious nature, they are routinely the go-to resource for unbiased advice among their friends. Proceed with caution, though. Mirandas with a Carrie rising are not known for taking their own advice, frequently to the point of self-destruction. Food and fashion are often crutches in times of conflict, but others rarely view them as vices because your taste in both is impeccable. You are a closet hedonist, hence the eating cake out of the garbage, but you will always look fabulous while doing it.

Miranda With a Samantha Rising

Screw convention—that soul-sucking trap is for Charlottes. Your primary aim in life is to achieve happiness and personal fulfillment through your social life and your career. You don’t need to be married. You don’t need—or want—children. You don’t even need a partner to have mind-blowing orgasms, because that’s what your Sharper Image neck massager is for. Mirandas with a Samantha rising are highly driven and self-sufficient people. They are deeply opinionated and confident in their convictions, which often deviate from the status quo. They carve their own paths in life, and tend to avoid people who conform to societal norms. They also like sex—a lot.

Having a diverse and fulfilling sex life is a requirement for a Miranda with a Samantha rising, not an option. Their happiness and sense of well-being depend on it. When they lack an adequate sexual outlet, they tend to lash out at those around them. Apart from the occasional bout of sexual frustration, this personality type is generally even-tempered and dependable. But even though Mirandas with a Samantha rising have high tolerances for other people’s bullshit, they do have their limits. Sometimes you need to avoid unnecessary drama at all costs, even if it means dis- inviting the entire crew from your dinner at Samba.

Miranda With a Charlotte Rising

It hardly seems possible, but yet here you are, existing at the nexus of hopeless cynicism and profound optimism. Your number one goal is to have a perfect life, and to get to that perfect life as quickly and painlessly as possible. The future you desire has been culled from the sappy romance novels and paperback erotica that you read secretly in your teen years (and let’s be honest, you’re still reading that trash). Guilt is a hallmark of this personality type, as is the warmer, fuzzier offshoot of guilty pleasure.

Despite your somewhat conservative presentation, you are surprisingly down for majorly transgressive sex. Threesomes, cross-dressing, and anilingus may repulse you initially, but at some point, you’ll probably wind up fellating someone in a dark alley. But while your sexual tastes may be eccentric, you are a ride-or-die basic bitch at your core. You love Love Actually, pumpkin spice lattes, and impromptu Target runs. You are a stickler for the rules, but that’s not to say you’re a pushover. When you see injustice, you call it out passionately. This personality type can solve anything with their can-do attitude—apart from curing their partner’s erectile dysfunction, that is.

Miranda With a Miranda Rising

Holy shit, you’re as Miranda as it gets. We wouldn’t be surprised if you were wearing adult braces right now—which isn’t a critique, by the way. To the contrary, we are simply acknowledging that Mirandas with a Miranda rising have to deal with a lot of bullshit. You may have advantages in life, but you tend to attract bad dates and bad hair days with a higher frequency than most.

Those minor mishaps aside, there are several advantages to being a Miranda through and through. For one, you are completely self-sufficient. You don’t depend on others to take care of you, because you always rely on yourself. And it should come as no surprise that the most prominent characteristic of Mirandas with Mirandas rising is their deeply opinionated natures. Mirandas are not shy when it comes to speaking their minds, whether it be about their friends’ pretentious boyfriends or the current Yankees lineup. This would be a far less attractive quality if not for the fact that they are almost always right.

Harling Ross

Harling is a writer and was most recently the Brand Director at Man Repeller.

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