In partnership with the LA Collection from Zenni Optical

Hey, Eyes Up Here! How To Dress Up From the Neck Up

In partnership with the LA Collection from Zenni Optical.

When you consider what it means to be an upright homo sapien in the year 2016, it’s impossible to discount the fact that come, say, 2057, there’s a very high likelihood we’ll no longer need pants. Do not worry, trouser fans: wear them all you want in the future. I’m not a cop. But in the age of FaceTime, work-related Skype meetings and well-angled Snapchats, I am not so sure they’ll be professionally required. The focus will be all about what’s happening up top.

Eyes up here! Literally.

In case you want to start prepping now, begin with eyewear. This will allow you to pick your on-screen persona. A white framed retro pair says, “I have an accent; good luck guessing its origins.” Yellow-tinted cat-wings will make you feel like titled royalty. Half the fun in taking a video conference call is that you get to prank your fellow chatters like, “Oh, sorry, Karen isn’t here right now. This is her alter ego, Banana Leaf Baroness.”

*Never mind your boss on the line like, “Karen, I know it’s you. Where’s the deck that was due today?”

(It’s important to note that amid your fabulous and wild character stylings, it’s more than possible to keep your window-to-the-soul-dressings way within or below budget. The Zenni Optical frames above are under $50, which means that all of your inner monologues get a pair. Hello. Do you feel like a fashion Oprah?)

Once your eyewear is decided for day or night, consider the neck next. Make like Matthew McConaughey and frost yourself — in a turtle tube, a bow tie, in ruffles, in layered, juicy gems. So long as you can keep your head up then I say keep going.

Now for your cranium: show it some love! A scarf, a headband? Whatever you, say man. Even baseball caps work great.

What’s that ringing? Your earlobes; they’re calling. They want some action, too. Give them a dangle or a hoop or a drop or a loop. Just don’t leave them naked.

That’s for your butt, remember?

Here’s looking at the future, kid. Shades on: it’s going to be bright, especially since clothing from the waist-down is optional.

Special thanks to our models Vanessa Barrantes and Yohana Zecarias. Follow them on Instagram @vanessabarrantes and @godesssgracious. Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis.


Amelia Diamond

Amelia Diamond

Amelia Diamond is a writer, creative consultant, and Man Repeller alumnus living in New York City.

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